I hear college kids walking to parties outside my dorm window. No worries though. When I check Snapchat, I will get a little peek inside those very parties.
Me and Rachael aren’t going. Instead, we are on the forth floor of May Hall behind door 410.
On this Friday night we aren’t partying, meeting new people, drinking, or kissing boys. We aren’t even dressed up.
Both of us are wearing glasses, old T-shirts, and have our hair pulled up messily on top of our heads. We are hunched over homework, lit by the soft glow of the Christmas lights we strung around our window.
We aren’t dancing to music, shouting over voices, or singing in a loud car. But we chat back and forth, laughing sometimes. You know, I don’t think there has been a day that we haven’t laughed in room 410. We always are laughing. And I never get tired of the sound.
Homework continues, pens scribble, eyes slide right and left across the pages, the pages flip, keyboards click, and then pause suddenly when our hands try to catch up to our thoughts.
By eleven, the homework motivation has worn off so we climb into our bunks and sink into books we are reading. I am reading Wild at Heart and Rachael borrowed Captivating from me. (I highly recommend both; especially Captivating for the girls and Wild at Heart for the guys). We don’t share words. We just read. Occasionally underlining our favorite parts and scratching little notes along the edge.
We turn pages until our eyes start closing like the covers of our books. So Rach unplugs the Christmas lights.
In the darkness, I can hear the mufflers of big trucks, shouts across the street, and kids walking to parties again.
I should feel left out. I should feel dumb about not going to a party. I should feel lame for being in bed already.
But I don’t.
I feel grateful and comforted. Grateful because, come on, how did I get so lucky to have such a strong, Godly and goofy roommate like Rachael? A girl whose heart is so big for others that sometimes she forgets to love herself.
And comfort because there is no pressure. That must be why I don’t mind being alone; there isn’t any pressure to be perfect or to pretend that you are something else. Me and Rachael don’t need to look cute all the time or do anything crazy. We don’t need to say a word; we just are.
And we’re slowly realizing that who we are, in God’s eyes, is enough.
We don’t need to get good grades in order to be wise. We don’t need to look perfect to be beautiful. We don’t need to “turn up with the squad” on weekends to be accepted.
Yes. I still feel left out sometimes when I lay in bed, tap into Snapchat stories, and see everyone’s smiling faces. But it fades when I remember that Rachael is right there.
And God is there too–holding both of us on Friday nights, and every night forevermore.
“…for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we can confidently say,“The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” Hebrews 13:5-6