This sounds so strange for me to say, but I feel so beautiful here. ⋆
New York City in May at the Brooklyn Bridge—on my half birthday actually. I didn't think about that then though. I honestly didn't think about anything other than, “I am existing in real life in the city I have always dreamed about!!!!”
When I was editing these particular moments and didn't cringe at my appearance, I realized for the first time in forever I actually thought, and maybe even believed, I looked beautiful.
In these clips I didn’t see the camera, so I wasn't conscious of myself. Most of us (I'm raising my hand aggressively) tend to lose confidence as soon as one is pulled out, but I didn't this time because, well lol, I didn't see it. And I know I didn't because when I was putting the vlog together I didn't recognize this footage at all. In fact, I barely recognized the girl in them either.
That being said, it helped that I wasn’t looking at the lens; instead, I was looking at my friend. When I look in the mirror, I don't know how that face feels about me. But when I look at Ellie's, I know. And I don't have to fix anything about me when I do.
I don't really know why I'm sharing all this to be honest (ajskfdla I'm so sorry)! But I guess I'll just ask you this: Where's your NYC at the Brooklyn Bridge on your half birthday that makes you forget about your flaws? Who's the Ellie you can keep your eyes on?
You are the most beautiful here.
Not in front of a mirror.
(p.s. But also in front of a mirror too, you just might not believe me if I told you then !!)